he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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