Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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