I'm jealous of your bromance
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
