quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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