I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
