He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
