I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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