I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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