SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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