i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize