Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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