Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my shit smells like andre
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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