She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize