I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
