using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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