She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize