i was born a porn star she said
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
