i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
