I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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