8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
