i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
