I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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