I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The power of my boobs compel you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
