but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize