Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
