i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
