A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
