just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
