Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
