Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
