that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
