The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You pole danced in your parka.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
