five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
