Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
