she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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