Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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