can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
