Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
