You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
