my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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