I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
