What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
