We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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