she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
