I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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