there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
