btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
