i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
