i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
