If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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