I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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