please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
