did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
