You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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