if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
