he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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