and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
