oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
