I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
