if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
