Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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