I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize