I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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