it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
