DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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