Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
